Kasey's Rambles

Hello All….We won’t even touch on or say my go to line…ok yes we will…“Life got extremely Lifey” over the holiday season and into the New Year!

I truly don’t even know where to start, or how brutally honest I want to get or even what I want to ramble about tonight. I just knew I needed to get my hands on these keys and write something. I knew it would potentially be good for me. So far so good haha, being I’ve only said a few boring lines. ugh.

I struggle whether to call this last little break a “seasonal depression” episode or what have you. Depression has definitely been prevalent for the past few months that’s for sure. There were also some issues with my relationship with my spouse. Now again this is where I hesitate to share, although I know my spouse doesn’t even read my blogs. Which I don’t mind at all truthfully, but when I started this, I set a boundary with myself that I wouldn’t write anything that would potentially hurt someone I love, so this is why I hesitate.

My Spouse and I have been together now “on and off” going on 16 years. Longest relationship I’ve ever had with someone who isn’t “Family”. So needless to say, there is a LOT of HISTORY. Some good, some not so good. How do you forget about the bad parts? How do you learn to love someone again that hurt you at one time or another? These questions I have had to ask myself time and time again over the years. One question I have always been able to answer though is the “Do you Love Him?” question. That answer will always be the same. Yes, with my whole heart I love this Man, always have and always will.

Even with all the Love in the world, sometimes Anger can take over that love, and that is where I found myself over the Holidays. Like I said, there is a lot of History with us. Trust has had to be gained back on both ends, multiple times, but we always find our way back to one another. That has to mean something right? I choose to believe yes. Anyway, so the Holidays were full of lots of arguments and emotional nights. Towards the end of December, with the New Year right around the corner, I had a revelation. I was going to start working on Me.

Part of my depression and unhappiness was due to a lot of personal struggles I’ve been having with my weight. That is for a whole other Blog, but to sum it up my confidence was nonexistent at the end of the year. If anyone knows me whose reading, they know that is very out of character for me to not be Confident. So, I dusted myself off and even before the 31st I started making New Year resolutions with myself. I was going to get my mental health taken care of. I am going to start taking care of Me, for once. I know one thing I have learned over the years is if I am not mentally well, none of my relationships with anyone else will be healthy or happy, because I am not healthy and happy.

I have been making the appropriate Drs. appointments. I have started Therapy again. I am finally working on Me again, and it feels damn good. Opening my laptop tonight and writing this Blog is also a part of me taking care of me. This is like a diary for me. To share all my rambles with the world is invigorating, and I am loving it, so I am going to make an effort to do this as much as I can, while working full time and being a full-time mom. Wish Me Luck!!

Till Next Time…